last night we had dinner with some dear friends of ours. i went to high school with john and we've just always been very dear friends. we were at his wedding, with eight other people. we went out with him and his wife, another good friend of ours..it has been so wonderfult os ee them again. they live in texas, he's in the airforce. we got word that he may be sent over soon to some political quagmire that we've gotten ourselves into and my heart just sank. i'm not patriotic, but the thuoght of my friend in such dangerous places stunned me into silence. i couldn't believe that he was ready to do this, that his wife was willing to let it happen. i know being in a military relationshp changes alot of things and you expectations... but wow.so the morning after as cliche as that sounds, my head and heart are still reeling. and all i can hope and pray for is that when he goes, he'll be protected. and that we can do all we can for his wife to take care of her and support her while he's away... my husband had a job interview yesterday. fingers crossed.... we should start hearing in a few weeks on the other job interview...the semester ends in a few weeks, and then everything else seems to begin...we've been in college or grad school for so long, its frightening to not be in that lifestyle anymore i guess. its comfortable.i am antsy to write again. antsy to be doing something creative. john requested a quilt. part of me wants to start it right now...all for now.

its been too long

its been too long it seems. but thats ok. its been a good thing to think and not be open to the public, though no one looks at this anyway :)
the challenges haven't changed. church still has good days and bad days. there are still days when i leave early or i dont want to be there and i just tune everythign out in order to keep my mouth closed so i dont say something inappropriate.

the ward is still very cliqueish. rylan said we need to be the peopel that we would like to associate with or be friends with. and i think we are. i am to apoint though that i dont trust a lot of people in the ward anymore. people think they know me, but they dont. they know what they see. but the people there dont see me except for in church when i'm not always very happy. so they dont know me. and many make no attempt to get to know me. so i dont. i kee to myself. i think though if someone made the effort to get to know me, or get to know us, then they'd be pleasantly surprised. i just dont know that many people take the time.

the ward does a monthly temple day tot he palmyra temple. we were asked yesterday if we were going and i said probably not. we usually attend the manhattan temple. and the man who had come in kinda gave a little lecture and almost a guilt trip. he went into saying that temple attendance is important and that we have 16 seats reserved every month for the next 6 months in tha temple. that there are enough members in the ward who are elegibile or who will soon be eligible to go to the temple... then they should be. and that there are blessings that come from attending the temple. he also went into saying that they decided to do the ward temple day as a way to build unity among the ward. and that we should all make an effort to attend the temple if we can. and did another pitch for the ward temple day.
i understand that temple attendace is important. thats no question for me. but we also can't often make our schedules fit that weekend every month. we often can't treat it as an ironclad appointment. and as to the ward attendance, i prefer to attend the temple with people i dont know. then i can focus on the experience rather than everyone being there. its not a social hour to me, so i dont reallyc are about attending with people i know or not. i won't be talking to them or dealing with them. and its such a private experience for me, i dont like sharing it with many poeple, again, the reason i like being anonymous.
i think its more important that we go where we are comfortable going... it just felt a little like a guilt trip and a lecture. i wasn't pleased. neither was rylan.
we're planning on going to manhattan this weekend anyway.....


i dont want to be the person that does everything that people expects me to do. i want to live my own life and not what people just expect me to. its my private rebellion, my private rage against everything...

i was reading in sacrament meeting (i do that more often than not) and my book mark for my scriptures, my friend anna from scotland had written the words, know this that every soul is free to choose his life and what he'll be..... a nd it just rang in my ears for so long. to choose his life and what he'll be... and then comes the iron giant's line :Choose.

so we're choosing. i'm choosing, trying to figure out what we are to do, what we should be. who we want to be. thinking about what, where when all of that...


i sent out two articles to MormonChic. it's an online lds newsletter. it's aimed at the Sisters (hence the Chic part) but its also geared towards a younger generation of RS sisters. that's one reason i like it. i feel i fit in better with it then what happens in relief society. they've received the articles and are reviewing them. they said that they'd be in touch. if they like them, they'll publish them, and i may end up writing for them. it could be interesting.

my grandmother continues to clean out her house.

spring has psrung. the daffodills are up. the snow drops have ushered in the season. yesterday rylan and i went for a walk and found ducks and geese all in the pond, swimming, very happily. it is a beautiful place we live in here.

i'm working on the sleeves for my sweater. :)

i am feeling at peace. it's unusual for me. but i like it.