i love our dog
it's sept. 15th. One friend of mine is on his way to Moscow to tell stories from moscow to Perm Russia/Siberia. My other friend is preparing for her temple marriage, in the DC Temple tomorrow.
today has been quiet. it's nice to get those days. at school there was a fire in my building, so we all had to file out, and that sort of hting. no actual fire, but not a planned drill either. someone pulled the alarm. but all went well.
our puppy - she's actually about 3 years old, but she'll always be our puppy - is lying on the floor waiting for me to be done so i can go hang out with her on the couch. knit, chill with ellie - our puppy's name -, channel surf and wait for my boy to come home from work. i have to say it is wonderful having a dog. i'd never had a dog before her and she is perfect and lovely. she's sad when i have to go to work, thrilled when i come home, looks for me when she can't find me... when ic ome back to bed for a few minutes before i go to work, i hear her tail slapping against the sheets in bed, even though she's half asleep, she's happy i'm back. there's something comforting about waking up and feeling her pressed into my back, or belly, or behind the crook of my knees. she has to be touching you (the person she's with) somehow. always. it's just comforting to me..
so i have been thinking about my anorexia a bit this week. i revealed to a friend of mine about it. they hadn't known and they were stunned to learn it. i went to a website a friend of mine sent on to me: www.somethingfishy.org and looked around. it's all about eating disorders, how to deal with them, how to recover and repair, and all sorts of things. and i realized how far i have come to a point, but how far i still need to go. but it's all progress. one thing of progress for me is i refuse to own a scale. i will not own one. if i go to the dr's and they weigh me, i'm furious if they let me see it, because i will be traumatized for weeks. i know that i am maintaining my weight. i am still wearing the same clothes, same sizes, all of that. so that is how i tell.
but something that came up in the site was you have to learn to love yourself. and i realized what a hard time i have with that. just really truly loving myself for who i am. i dont think about myself a whole lot, i dont consider myself. so i dont focus on my good points, or strengths, or th ings i like about myself. and i need to more. so if anyone has any ideas as to how to do that, or any goodpounts to get me started, cause i'm stumped, let me know. (not pandering for compliments...honestly..)
thats all. hope everyone is well. ta
posted by rebecca @ 6:54 PM
2 Comments:
i have two quotes that i like and use:
1.Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Mariaane Moore. (apparently quoted by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech)
perhaps a section of that could be memorizes and quoted or recited...
the second quote: George Gray
I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me --
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one's life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire --
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.
Edgar Lee Masters
it reminds me to not shrink or be afraid of what i could do.. which is i think a problem for me, or at least can be.
perhaps there could be a quote therein..
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