back home

my mom and grandmother came home this week. they got back tuesday night. i have been counting down the days til they got back.
today i cancelled classes to spend it with my grandmother. last night was her first night all by herself. and i didn't get the chance to see her yesterday. it seemed like everyone saw her yesterday, all but me. but i was at school all day. so i thought i should be spend some time with her today. i am not going to have a chance to really grieve i guess. cause grandaddy died out there, and there's no service happening out here. people are just moving on and getting rid of things. so yeah...
so i spent today with my grandmother, rylan and i did. just helping her clean things up, organize things. she kept trying to give me things. even tot he point where she gave me a packet of broccoli soup mix.... and i made a deal with her, that if there was somethign i really wanted, or desperately needed or admired... i would tell her. that made her really happy, so she didn't have to worry about it, or baout trying to p ush things on me. we went into the other room.. and i went over tot he table with the little wooden buddha that she has always had (we always had to go rub buddha's belly for luck). and i reminded her of the pinky promise we had just made, pointing out the buddha. s he smiled and said "take it.." i made sure she was sure, and she insisted. he's nothign extravagent or elaborate or even really valuable. it's just something that i have always loved and admired, and have very fond memories of.
all in all it was quite worth cancelling classes for.

i keep thinking of scotland, of rose gardens, or where we may end up. who knows.

i have gotten to a point on my sweater that i screwed it up. so i have to start over on part ofit. grr.... i was close to giving up on it, but i dont want to give up yet. maybe just take a breather? or give it some time until i can go back and figure it out.

read a really interesting article in newsweek, about the problem with boys in schools. why and how they are failing at every leve lof education adn why... and what people should do. hmmm..