2/18/06

rylan had surgery yesterday and all went well! *sigh of relief* they had to remove some scar tissue between his knee and femur, and reepair a torn miniscus in his knee. The surgeryt ook less than an hour. Rylan hadnled the anesthesia well. he has a hard time with it, just being really groggy, sleeping a lot longer... all of that. yesterday he knew who i was, he wasn't really really groggy.. and he was coherent.

this week has been a bad week. bad thoughts got into my head, i guess into rylan's too. it's hard being married you know. the idea of his parents coming out in may to spend a week with us just really upset the cart. (long story....we'll just say i dont do well with houseguests I dont know well or who take over my kitchen. it's small enough to begin with that two pepople can barely choregraph a meal preparation there. And i say choregraph because every move has to be made aware to the other person so as not to bump into each other or whatever..)
and with allt he deathsi n our family and friends... it's just been a bad week. marylynn was hard to see go. hildy, a friend of mine said, marylynn was what we all ove about tunkhannock. her elegance, her kindness, generosity, friendship, style, sense of humor... all of that. the tpwn shall be a little less bright with her gone out of it. and it is true to a T.
so it's been bad. and when is at next to rylan's bed, waiting for him to go into surgery, all of the bad thoughts, frustrations, annoyed self and all of that, went away. it still boiled down to, i love this person more than anything else in the world. i love him and would do anything for him, even go through this surgery for him if they could do it on me and give him the results. i just sat, holding his hand, or touching his chest, or whatever. always in contact with him...

but he is doing great. surgery was a success, and he's walking around... yay! huge sighs of relief, prayers answered.... prayers of thanksgiving offered... we talked last night about what happened this week. about the bad thoughts we'd had, the fears and all of that. things will be ok.

it snowed here. windy and flurries.

am thinking of my phd again. and the best fit so far feels like it'd be folklore. it incoprorates the indigineous music, languages and stories of a people.. the beliefs and all of that. not many places off the degree. but at least i have a pssible starting off point.

put in for a promotion at work. we'll see. it didn't make sense to not throw my hat in the ring. i'm just as qualified as anyone else. might as well.

have taken to keeping a notebook or pad of paper net to my bed, so when i have a dream and i ake up from it, i can write it down. i have gotten some good stories that way. another good one came early this morning. :) hailers and james i'll have tos ee what you think of it.


this past week, my mom gave me something. my earliest memory of my aunt billie june (she died in early january) is falling out of the bed at her house and looking under it and seeing all of these 'jewels' under the bed on some sort of tray. i believed they were making jewelry or they were rich and they hid all their money or and precious things unde the bed. keep in mind i was four at the time.
mom has always told me that it was a christmas tree. well i dont remember that. i remember jewels on a tray.
with billie june's daughter's permission, they gave me the christmas tree. it came this week in grandmother's car.. mom called me up and i went up to get it.
it's on 'velvet' (what you'd get at a craft store) in a large woodeen frame. a christmas tree made out of jewelry. beads, bracelets, earrings, pins and brooches.. everything.. i leaned down so i'd be level with it and tilted my head to the side as if i were lying ont he floor next to it and looked. and it looked how i reemmbered it. a tray full of jewels.
i hung it up today, and i can't help but smile whenever i look at it. and yes it is a christmas tree, but it will stay up year round i think. because it is so cool, and it is such an important memory of my childhood. and because it makes me smile. it hink of my fmaoil and howd ifferent we alla re, how some don't even look like we should be long todather. our friends too. we dont make sense on paper. but when you put us together, we make a beautiful sight...

thats all for now.